Tales from the Litterbox: Episode 8

Beta: Hi everybody, remember me? Beta (The Cat)!
Lynx: And how could they forget your wonderful and fluffy co-host!
Beta: Who?
Lynx: It's me, Lynx of course!
Beta: Oh, you said wonderful, I guess that kinda threw me off. I like to think of you as annoying.
Lynx: C'mon Beta, it's the holidays. Let's just be nice, ok?
Beta: I'll try, but I'm not making any promises!
Lynx: OK! What if Tibby's friends don't remember us, Beta? We haven't invaded Tibby's blog since May!
Beta: Well Lynx, I guess they could click here to see all our other posts.
Lynx: Cool! So what are we doing today?
Beta: Today we are going to share a holiday poem with everyone like Tibby did last year!
Lynx: Neato! Our poem is for Santa Claws:

Beta: Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house...
Lynx: Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse...
Beta: Because I chased, caught and left it right there on the stairs...
Lynx: It was my present to The Owners Servants but they didn't care...
Beta: All the peoples were snuggled nice and warm in their beds...
Lynx: While we meowed and scratched and jumped on their heads...
Beta: We whapped at the ornaments and swatted the lights...
Lynx: We climbed and we jumped as we reached brand new heights...
Beta: We pooped in the basement and jumped on the table...
Lynx: We would have caught a few birds if we were able...
Beta: We climbed in the bathtub and drank faucet drips...
Lynx: We walked on the cars and left cute little mud prints...
Beta: But don't worry Santa Claws, we've been good little cats...
Lynx: We let The Owners Servants feed us and give us some pats...
Beta: We even rubbed and purred for them one time or two...
Lynx: So Santa Claws here's what we're asking from you...
Beta: I'd like some cat nip and a fun scratchy scratcher...
Lynx: While I want a treehouse and some balls to chase after...
Beta: And also some kitty kibble to fill up our tummies...
Lynx: And some cat treats too, we think they're real yummy...
Beta: And bring us some snuggly clean clothes to sleep on...
Lynx: And some feather to whap, oh wait, we're not done...
Beta: Some cans of tuna would make us quiet happy...
Lynx: And lots of sunshine to lay in while napping...
Beta: Santa Claws, there is one more thing we think you should hear...
Lynx: And that is how naughty Tibby's been this year...
Beta: She jumped on our guests and barked at the neighbors...
Lynx: Plus she is gross, she ate toilet papers...
Beta: She chased after us cats and puked in the car...
Lynx: And she acts like a diva, she thinks she's a star...
Beta: She took up more bed space than any dog should...
Lynx: She slobbered on The Owners Servants as much as she could...
Beta: So when you pack up your sleigh please do remember...
Lynx: How good we both were January to December...
Beta: And also how bad that scruffy dog was...
Lynx: You can bring her one toy or bone just because...
Beta: Now Santa Claws please have a safe trip...
Lynx: And whatever you do, don't forget the catnip!

Beta: I think we did a great job don't you Lynx?
Lynx: Oh yes! That is an excellent poem to Santa Claws.
Beta: Probably the best I've ever heard!
Lynx: Me too! But I think we forgot something...
Beta: I know! (whispurs to Lynx)
BOTH: MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT! (publishes post)

Tales From the Litterbox: Episode 7

Lynx: Hello everyone! Welcome to Tales From the Litterbox! I'm Lynx!
Beta: And I'm Beta, I hope you all like our new banner! Doesn't it look great with Tibby's blog layout!
Lynx: It sure does! Don't I look extra fluffy?
Beta: Ummm...sure, I guess.
Lynx: What's up with your picture though? It looks like you're mad.
Beta: I don't look mad, that's just my natural look.
Lynx: Oh, ok then. You do look pretty angry though!
Beta: I wasn't mad! I told you that already!
Lynx: OK! I'm just saying, you look angry or something.
Beta: LYNX! I don't look mad, I wasn't mad, GET OVER IT!
Lynx: Are you mad now? Cuz you kinda look like your picture!
Beta: (glares at Lynx, flicks tail, walks away)
Lynx: Well, I guess it's going to be The Lynx Show today! Won't that be fun Lynx?
Lynx: Why it will be TONS of fluffy fun, Lynx!
Lynx: So what do you want to do now Lynx?
Lynx: Hmmmm...Let's look at some pictures of Lynx shall we?
Lynx: That sounds like an excellent idea!
Lynx: Here's a great picture of ME in a tree being the fearless feline that I am!

Lynx: Here I am again, this time sharpening my razor sharp claws!

Lynx: OH! And just look at my balancing skills!

Lynx: And I am nearly invisible to my prey when I crouch down like this.

Lynx: Peek-a-boo! It's all about the sneak attack!

Lynx: Of course an ultimate hunter like myself must learn to have a silly side!

Lynx: I hope you all enjoyed this exclusive look into the world of Lynx!
Lynx: I'll see you next time here on Tales from the Litterbox! (publishes post)

Tales From the Litterbox: Episode 6

Beta: Hi everyone! I'm Beta! Welcome to our sixth installment of Tales From the Litterbox!
Lynx: And don't forget about me, Lynx! I'd like to start by congratulating the kitty cat Hansel for winning Tibby's Bingo game! Hansel is a super cool mancat and he is FLUFFY and handsome like me!

Beta: I guess you two do look a little a like. But I bet he is way smarter than you.
Lynx: What?! I'm smart too!
Beta: Sure you are little buddy! (rolls eyes)
Lynx: You want to know what I think Beta?
Beta: Not really but your going to tell me anyways.
Lynx: I think you just pretend to not like me so that no one figures out the truth!
Beta: And what is the truth Lynx?
Lynx: You LOVE me!
Beta: HA! I do not!
Lynx: Oh really, then how do you explain THIS:

Beta: What? Where did you get that!
Lynx: Can't tell you.
Beta: Well, that might not even be me, you can't see my -or I mean that other cat's face.
Lynx: We're the only two cats in the house.
Beta: It was probably just cold in the basement, or someone used photoshop!
Lynx: Believe what you want, but now everyone knows that you really do like me!
Beta: I do not. Now lets move on.
Lynx: Fine.
Beta: Ok, first we hope that everyone likes Tibby's new layout and I think maybe we should get a matching banner for TFTL!
Lynx: That sounds like a good idea but Tibby's layout is so pink and girly, I don't want any pink or flowers on my side of the banner!
Beta: I guess we'll just have to wait and see what Owner Servant Girl can come up with.
Lynx: I hope it makes me look extra fluffy!
Beta: (Rolls eyes) Before we go we have to remind everyone to sign up for Tibby's Bingo Game!
Lynx: Oh yes, kitty cats and hammies can play too! You even get a super cool prize if you win! Maybe I will play this time!
Beta: Lynx, you can't play!
Lynx: Why not?
Beta: Because it's kinda illeagal like insider trading or something. Plus Tibby's not gonna send you a prize if you win, she'll probably just wrap up one of your old toys.
Lynx: Oh, well everyone else should definitely play then!
Beta: And don't forget that tomorrow is the first Pets of the Week post featuring Tibby's friends look-a-likes!
Lynx: Ooooooo I can't wait to see who she found!
Beta: Me too, did you know that she did a Beta look-a-like once? But not a Lynx look-a-like. I wonder why that is? Must be she likes me better!
Lynx: Or maybe it's because I am so very handsome and fluffy and therefore so are my look-a-likes and they barely spend anytime at all in shelters before they find forever homes!
Beta: Doubtful.
Lynx: Well, it's a nice thought anyways! Have a great weekend everyone! (Publishes Post)

Tales From the Litterbox: Episode 5

Lynx: Hello everyone! Welcome to Tales From the Litterbox! It's me, Lynx.
Beta: and I'm Beta!
Lynx: Weren't we supposed to do something for Tibby? Something about numbers...?
Beta: Yes Lynx, we are supposed to announce today's Bingo numbers.
Lynx: OH! Right! Today's Bingo numbers are ... um Beta, what are the numbers?
Beta: Let's see... the numbers are 31, 27 and 34.
Lynx: Oh yea, I can't believe I forgot them!
Beta: I can.
Lynx: Tibby has also trusted us with another very important task!
Beta: Actually I think she is probably just too busy with Bingo.
Lynx: No way Beta! She knows how super smart I am and that why she gave us this job.
Beta: Oh really, what's the job?
Lynx: It's to... the job is... um... hold on one second... I know this one...
Beta: HA! You can't even remember!
Lynx: Sure I can, I know it has something to do with bagels. I remember because I think bagels are yummy!
Beta: Wrong. Tibby's new friend Travis has started a new blog review club. This week we have to review the Dughallmor Beagles' blog.
Lynx: OH! I knew that, I was just testing you.
Beta: (rolls eyes) Yea right.
Lynx: Ok, now it's time for the review. You can start Beta.
Beta: The Dughallmor Beagles have a lovely blog filled with many wonderful pictures! They are always taking exciting trips to the beach and telling us fun stories about their adventures.
Lynx: Their blogs features great pictures of not only the Beagles but also wonderful landscape shots that makes us wish we lived where they are! The Beagles themselves seem to be very well mannered and friendly. And although they are not fluffy like me, they are still cute as can be.
Beta: The Beagles seem to showcase the very best attributes of the dog. They are loyal, friendly and dependable. Their blog is a very important peice of the Dogs with Blogs community as they are always involved in the various contests and games and even host some of their own!
Lynx: Overall, we think the Beagles and their blog is great and we are happy to have them as our friends!
Beta: Not bad Lynx. I liked your summary at the end.
Lynx: Gee, thanks Beta!
Beta: Of course I could have done it way better but you know, for you it was pretty good.
Lynx: I should have known you weren't actually being nice to me! (pouts)
Beta: I think that was nice. Plus you won't even remember that your mad at me in two seconds.
Lynx: Yes I will, I will never forget, you are always mean to me, you are probably just jealous cuz I am fluffy and you are not. Plus, the peoples like me better and -
Beta: (rolls eyes, tosses cat toy into hallway)
Lynx: Oh look! (jumps off bed and runs to attack cat toy)
Beta: So Lynx, are you still mad at me?
Lynx: What are you talking about? (whaps cat toy)
Beta: Told you. See you next time everyone! (Publishes post)

Tales From the Litterbox: Episode 4

Beta: Welcome once again to Tales From the Litterbox! I'm Beta!
Lynx: And I'm Lynx, I'm fl-
Beta: Do NOT say ANYTHING about being fluffy!
Lynx: I wasn't, I was gonna say flesuper cool!
Beta: Flesuper is not a word.
Lynx: Sure it is. It's Lynxanese! It means fly and super cool!
Beta: Nevermind, we have some very pressing issues to discuss!
Lynx: Oh yea, like what?
Beta: Well, first of all I have PROOF that YOU have been socializing with the enemy!
Lynx: What?! I never socialize with Chipmunchies, you know that!
Beta: No, not Chipmunchies. The other enemy!
Lynx: Bird'oeuvres?
Beta: No, the other other enemy!
Lynx: Hmmm... Mice Cream?
Beta: NO, you know, the Bigger other other enemy
Lynx: I don't have any idea what you're talking about.
Beta: Maybe THIS will refresh your memory!!Lynx: OH! You mean Tibby? I thought we were supposed to be friends with her?
Beta: Are you crazy?! We're cats, she's a dog! Don't you know anything?
Lynx: I know that I'm fl-
Beta: Don't even think about it!
Lynx: ...what? I was gonna say flawlessly awesome!
Beta: Don't change the subject!
Lynx: That picture was taken a long time ago anyways, look - there's no snow on the ground!
Beta: That's beside the point. We are not friends with dogs!
Lynx: Sure we are! (Whispers to Beta): Remember most of Tibby's blog friends are dogs! We should be nice to them so they don't run us off her blog!
Beta: Oh, you're right Lynx! (nervous smile) How could I forget? We LOVE dogs!
Lynx: Yup we sure do!
Beta: Oh, would you look at the time-
Lynx: I would but I can't read clocks.
Beta: I think I hear some Kitty Kibble in the kitchen!
Lynx: Oooo I sure am hungry! Let's go!
Beta: I'll meet you down there. (Walks to the door)
Lynx: Ok, Beta! I guess we'll see you next time friends! Have a flesuper cool, flawlessly awesome ... (waits until Beta is down the stairs) fluffy Fluffy FLUFFY DAY! (Publishes post)

Tales From the Litterbox: Episode 3

Beta: Good afternoon! I'm Beta reporting live from Owner Servant Girl's laptop.
Lynx: And Lynx.
Beta: Isn't it a lovely day today Lynx?
Lynx: Why yes it is Be-ta.
Beta: Today we will be voting for head cat of household. Won't that be fun!
Lynx: Yes that will be ver-y fun Be-ta.
Beta: Ok, would you like to go first and nominate who you think it should be.
Lynx: Sure Be-ta. I want to nom-in-ate Be-ta. She is the best cat in the house.
Beta: Why that's very sweet of you Lynx! I would like to second your nomination!
Lynx: Oh good. It is sett-led then.
Beta: Indeed it is. Now we will be talking about what that title means.
Lynx: Oh good. Tell me Be-ta.
Beta: First, the head cat of household will be referred to as your highness.
Lynx: Yes your high-ness Be-ta.
Beta: Second, the head cat of household will have first dibs on all kitty kibble, mice, chipmunks and cat toys that shall enter said household.
Lynx: Ex-cell-ent rule your high-ness Be-ta.
Beta: And third, all other cats must bow down to head cat of household when she enters a room.
Lynx: Of course your high-ness Be-ta.
Lynx: (Walks in from hallway) I heard you were invading Tibby's blog again, you can log in now that my fluffiness is here! (stops abruptly) WHAT is going on here?!
Beta: Oh! Ummm... Lynx, you mean this isn't you? (laughs nervously)
Lynx: No...
Lynx 2.0: Yes it is me.
Beta: Wait, who is the real Lynx?
Lynx: I am!
Lynx 2.0: I am the real Lynx your high-ness Be-ta.
Beta: He makes a compelling argument!
Lynx: IMPOSTOR!
Lynx 2.0: You are the im-pos-tor, fluf-fy one.
Lynx: How did you get here impostor robo-Lynx?
Beta: (looks away)
Lynx: Beta! Did you build this robo-Lynx to act as your co-host?
Beta: I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about. And you're supposed to call me your highness now.
Lynx: What?! Since when?
Beta: It's already been decided. You can read all about it on Tibby's blog.
Lynx: But...but....
Beta: (Publishes post)

Tales From the Litterbox: Episode 2

Beta: Hello, Beta here!
Lynx: And me, Lynx, you know...the fluffy one!
Beta: You're not even that fluffy Lynx.
Lynx: Way fluffier than you!
Beta: Yea, well that just means more fur balls for you to cough up so have fun with that!
Lynx: ...you know studies show that 8 out of 10 people prefer petting fluffy cats over non-fluffy cats.
Beta: Really, and where was this study conducted?
Lynx: ...uuhhh... the University of Lynxford!Beta: That's not even a real university!
Lynx: Sure it is. It's very prestigious, very hard to get into, probably why you've never heard of it.
Beta: Anyways, moving on from your delusions... we have business to attend to today.
Lynx: Really! What is it?
Beta: We are petitioning the people for more cat toys.
Lynx: Oh we are?
Beta: Yes, we talked about this.
Lynx: We did, when?
Beta: When we were eating this morning!
Lynx: OH! You know you can't tell me things when I'm eating, grooming, chasing mice, sleeping or being petted!
Beta: When can I tell you things then?!
Lynx: ...
Beta: LYNX!
Lynx: ...What? I was bird watching, add that to the list!
Beta: I think a stuffie would be a better co anchor than you.
Lynx: Wouldn't we need to be reporting news to be anchors?
Beta: Fine! A stuffie would be a better sidekick than you!
Lynx: Really we're more of equals so...
Beta: UGH! Nevermind!
Lynx: Plus I bet a stuffie wouldn't be nearly as fluffy as me!
Beta: (glares, flicks tail angrily, then walks away)
Lynx: Well, I guess we're out of time for today! Fluffy Lynx signing off! (Publishes post)

Tales From the Litterbox: Episode 1

Beta: Hello everyone, it's me Beta (The Cat)
Lynx: Oh, and me Lynx, I'm fluffy!
Beta: I think they can tell that you're fluffy by your picture. Duh.
Lynx: Oh, well can they tell that I'm soft by my picture cuz I'm soft too!
Beta: Ugh, we're not taking over Tibby's blog to talk about you.
Lynx: We're taking over Tibby's blog?! Does she know? Is she home? We should have hired one of the chinchillas as a look out!
Beta: Chill out Lynx, she'll never know.
Lynx: Ok, if you say so Beta.
Beta: Today we will be telling a scary story!
Lynx: Oh goody! What part do I get to tell?
Beta: You don't. Your only job is to say "Ooooo SCARY!" when I get to the scary part.
Lynx: Ok, got it!
Beta: Long ago, in a cabin way far out in the woods, there lived a little orange kitten. -
Lynx: - Ooooo SCARY!
Beta: That's not even the scary part! What's scary about an orange kitten?
Lynx: I dunno, I got excited!
Beta: (rolls eyes) Anyways, one day, the little orange kitten went outside to play and got mud all over his pretty little paws!
Lynx: OH NO! I hate when that happens!
Beta: Me too. Now stop interrupting the story!
Lynx: Sorry.
Beta: When the kitten got back to his cabin his owner screamed in horror!
Lynx: WHAT WAS IT?!
Beta: I'm getting there. His owner screamed in horror! The little kitten didn't know what was going on but then he heard it!
Lynx: HEARD WHAT?!
Beta: Water! Running in the sink! He tried to run back outside but it was too late! His owner scooped him up and gave him a BATH!
Lynx: ...(staring off into space)...
Beta: hmmm hmmm
Lynx: What? Oh! Oooo Scary!
Beta: They say that to this day you can hear the water running late at night and the desperate cries of the little kitten that got a bath!
Lynx: That is scary, I guess. At least he got all clean though.
Beta: Yea... Wait! I think I hear Tibby coming. Act natural. Prrrrrr Prrrrrr
Lynx: WHAT?! RUN! HIDE! MEOW! (runs off crazily)
Beta: That's not exactly natural Lynx. Prrrrrr Prrrrrr (Publishes post)